A Reason to Exist
by Alice D. Lovett
Summary: AU. On the night Matt decides he's going to jump in front of a train a man-Mello-stops him and decides to take him in. Better than it sounds, I hope. MattxMello. Probably a little OOC. R&R please! P.S. Chapters 1-6 are mostly for introducing characters and showing Matt and Mello's relationship but please bear with it!
1. Chapter 1

**Alice: I'm overly excited about this story and I don't know why but I really hope you like it! =3**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

He appeared to be what Matt could only of describe as a leather clad angel (and he didn't even believe they existed): stunningly beautiful with a faint glow encompassing him which most likely had been caused by the light coming from said angel's motorcycle but Matt's liquor clouded mind refused to want put two and two together. Either way as he stared up at the man from where he had landed after being pushed to the ground the sight took Matt's breath away. Pushing him down may not have been an angelic thing to do but it had nevertheless pulled him away from death's call which had dragged him to the train tracks tonight and under the red and white board that was supposed to keep people from going into the path of an oncoming train.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" The man asked, brushing his long, blond out of his eyes which happened to be shooting daggers straight at Matt. They were an icy blue, devoid of any emotion other than contempt (possibly for Matt or maybe just for the world in general), and made him seem much farther away than he actually was. Out of reach, untouchable. Exactly how an angel should be, at least in Matt's mind anyway. And yet his crass language made him all the more _real _and, admittedly, desirable. He was an imperfect angel and, maybe it was just the alcohol's doing but, the thought sent a flash of warmth through the red-head's body. He grinned up at the blond and shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know. Nothing much. I was just doing what anybody else with no one and nothing to give the world should do. Erasing myself." The blond appeared to be surprised by Matt's words and his irritation lessened as it mixed with mild curiosity. He place a hand on his hip and raised the other to his rosary "So," Matt continued, "what're you doing here at this time of night?" The train finally appeared with overly loud rumbling and a drawn out honk, briefly blinding Matt before the front of it disappeared along with its headlights.

"I was saving your worthless ass," the man replied after the conductor finally decided to stop blowing the horn. He reached a hand down and helped Matt to his feet.

"Why?" Matt asked, trying to understand what reason this…this fallen angel could have for keeping him alive when it was obvious that he'd usually stand back with a tub of popcorn and enjoy the show.

"I'm going to be honest with you-"

"Matt." The blond raised a perfectly arched eyebrow and smirked with what might possibly have been amusement.

"Alright. I'm gonna be honest with you _Matt_, my reason for stopping you idiotic suicide attempt isn't anything remotely noble. I just want to atone for a few of my fucking sins so when I get to the fiery pit of hell I might receive a less severe punishment. Think of it this way: you're my charity case." Hell? _This _man? Something about him seemed too…then again Matt hardly knew the guy so maybe that was where he disserved to go.

"Oh? And what, may I ask, does that entail?"

"First of all," the man wrapped an arm around Matt's shoulders, "it means you're coming home with me." Her walked Matt over to his motorcycle and climbed on, handing his helmet to the red-head. Since the state of his death could depend on how well he treated Matt his own safety wasn't the priority at the moment. Matt hesitated, glancing form the helmet back to the now empty train tracks and eliciting an irritated sigh form the blond.

"What are you waiting for dumbass? Another train to jump in front of?"

"Ah, no, I was-"

"Then get on. You're wasting my gas."

"Right. Sorry." He climbed on the bike, shoving the helmet onto his head and wrapping his arms around his angel's waist. Touching the untouchable. Savoring the feeling of it actually, he admitted to himself as he leaned into the blond and rested his head on the man's shoulder. "By the way," Matt yelled over the roar of the engine and wind rushing past them, "what's your name?"

"Mello."

XXXXXX

"God Mels. I mean, really, how did you survive?" Matt asked around the cookie in his mouth from where he'd made himself comfortable on the couch with his game controller. The red-head had wasted no time getting situated in Mello's apartment and even less getting his weird goggles. After five days Mello had only seen the younger boy's eyes the night they'd met and they still hadn't finished moving all of his gaming systems in with him. The blond rolled his eyes at the nickname Matt insisted on using; he knew by now that objecting to it was pointless. Apparently when Matt wasn't drunk and depressed he was hyper and, honestly, more than a little puppy like.

"I can't believe you're still going on about this," Mello muttered as he unwrapped a chocolate bar. So what if he didn't own a single gaming system? It wasn't the end of the world. Besides he was usually too busy with his work to do anything fun and when he did have time he didn't waste it playing video games. Unfortunately Matt refused to understand that.

Matt snuck a glance at Mello. The daylight did nothing to take away from his ethereal beauty and he wondered what in his life he'd done right to be able to live with someone as incredible as Mello. He'd been studying the blond a lot during the past few days and had possibly noticed most everything about him: from his obvious chocolate obsession to the slight swish if his hips when he walked to his wide range of smirks. It was fascinating how a simple, normally overlooked twitch of Mello's mouth could reveal a drastic change in his emotions. There were many too and Matt had quickly learned that Mello was an extremely volatile person; possibly bordering on the edge of being bipolar. The longer Matt stared at the blond the warmer his cheeks became and the worse the ache in his chest grew. It was one of those pains that on some level actually felt _good_ yet left him wanting to scream his lungs out or cry or anything really to get rid of it. At the same time if it were to disappear, well, he didn't want to think about that. All he knew for sure was that he'd want to die even more than had before meeting Mello. Because the blond was his angel, his purpose, the only person in this world who might actually give a damn about him, he was his-his-

"M-Mello?" Matt stood up suddenly, the cookie falling out of his mouth and the character in his game having died moments ago since he'd been too lost in thought to pay any attention to what was going on.

"What?" Mello asked. He tilted his head to the side finishing off the last bite of his chocolate bar. Something about Matt seemed off which was odd since he'd been fine a few seconds ago. He was biting down on his lower lip and his fingers were fidgeting at his sides but neither of these things were new. What Mello needed was a look at his eyes. He'd seen enough of them the night they'd met to know that they were literally portals to the red-head's soul.

As if he'd been reading Mello's mind Matt pushed his goggles up, ignoring the slight pain of his hair being pulled. And what Mello saw in those green orbs scared him shitless. He closed his eyes and sighed, wondering how this could have happened when they'd basically just met each other. Besides Matt was too _innocent_ in his own hyper, puppy-dog way.

"Matt you can't-" Mello began, running a hand through his hair.

"I know, I know," Matt said as he walked closer to the blond, "but I don't think I could have stopped it even if I wanted to." He paused mere inches away from Mello.

"Taking you with me was a mistake." Matt smiled at him.

"Do you wish you'd left me to kill myself?"

"No, but trust me when I say that I'll only end up ruining you." Matt tilted his head to the side, all trust and mindless adoration.

"You couldn't do that." Mello laughed but it was devoid of humor. This situation was so far from funny.

"Matt I _kill _people for a living. I'm no good."

"So that's your job huh? I was wondering…well, you must be amazing at it because I'm positive that without you I'd did. Hell, you could probably kill me with a single word if you used the right one." He caressed Mello's cheek and leaned closer to him, pressing their bodies together. "You've become my universe, my reason for existing. Shouldn't you take responsibility for that?"

"You've only known me for five days."

"There's no set amount of time for how long it takes to fall in love." He kissed Mello's cheek and moved his lips to his ear. "Mello, I love you."

_I love you too, _Mello thought as he crashed their lips together unable to hold back any longer and attempting to thrust the words into every kiss and caress. He slowly pulled back allowing both of them to catch their breaths. As irrational as it was he infatuated with red haired ball of energy that was Matt.

"I'll only stay until you get sick of me and realize your mistake," Mello murmured as he removed the goggles from Matt's head and brushed the hair out of red-head's eyes.

"Then I guess you're never going to leave," Matt responded, leaning into Mello's hand. Because he was positive that there was no mistake. Mello was his own personal fallen angel and he didn't need anyone or thing else to believe in. Honestly, who was better for that than the love of his life?

**Alice: I **_**need**_** to know what you thought! Was it terrible or am I super excited about it for a good reason? Review! I'll love you forever! XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alice: This chapter's lighter than the first one so I hope the change doesn't seem awkward. And this takes place a week or so after chapter one. Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

"Matt I want you to get a job," Mello said as he stepped in front of the television, cutting off Matt's sight of his game.

"Hey! Mello move! I swear if I die…," Matt muttered. He craned his neck trying to see around the blond.

"What? You'll what?" He placed his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes. Matt sighed.

"I'll probably end up sleeping on the couch because I'm not crazy enough to try to force you to and then it'll be a lose-lose situation. Come on Mello. _Move_!" Mello rolled his eyes.

"If you're so worried about dying pause the fucking game." Matt grudgingly did as he was told since it was obvious that Mello wasn't going to move unless Matt made him and he didn't want another of his gaming systems thrown to its death out of one of their fifth story windows.

"Alright, what did you want?"

"For you to get a job." Matt stared up at him, a look of complete confusion on his face.

"Uh…why?"

"Because," Mello leaned forward and grabbed Matt's chin between his thumb and index finger, "you never do anything. What'll you do if during my next job I-"Matt swatted Mello's hand away and placed one of his own over the blond's mouth.

"Don't! Say it." Mello looked absolutely pissed but not hearing the end of that sentence was more important than (surprisingly) the safety of his technology. Mello glared at him and bit down on the hand covering his mouth hard enough to have Matt yank it away with a yelp although he didn't break skin.

"Okay so I won't say the 'd'-word." He licked his lips, slightly disappointed that he didn't taste Matt's blood. He might not want to harm the red-head but he was definitely one to get off on that sort of thing and he had a feeling that Matt would taste good.

"A-anyway," Matt said as he examined his hand," maybe I don't want to get a job yet."

"And is that because you're lazy, stubborn, or antisocial?" Mello asked. Even thought Matt didn't look it because he was so thin, the lucky bastard, he hardly moved from his spot on the couch during the day and Mello could also see him not getting a job because he wanted to believe that the blond would always be there to take care of him. Also since Matt wasn't one to go out into the world and thrived with no social interaction working, which usually required talking to people you didn't know, would probably be a form of hell for him. Well, whatever the problem was Matt would eventually need to get over it.

"A little of all of those I guess," Matt said, shrugging. Mello sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples. He really didn't want to hold Matt at gun point but… "How about a date?" Matt was blushing but as far as Mello could tell (because those damn goggles did a good job of hiding his eyes) he wasn't breaking eye contact. Mello tilted his head, slightly surprised at the sudden change in subject.

"What?" Matt's blush deepened.

"You know, when two people go to a place that could be considered romantic and spend time getting to know each other. The thing that usually happens before people decide they're in love." Matt glanced away from Mello his face blazing so hot that he was tempted to dunk his head in a sink of cold water. ""Yeah," he murmured, "that'd be nice. I want to get to know you."

"What more do you need to know? You've been 'getting to know me' for the past couple of weeks." Matt bit down on his lower lip. It was true; he probably did know most everything about Mello. But he'd never been on anything remotely date-like in his life and he kind of wanted the experience.

"Come on Mels. Humor me. Just this once."Mello stared at Matt who had-damn him!-pushed up his goggles revealing his entrancing green eyes. They were practically begging to him say yes and he felt his resolve weaken. Besides what could a date hurt?

"…Fine."

"Really!" Matt shot to his feet, his eyes wide. He hadn't expected a yes.

"Calm down. You don't need to get all hot and bothered. It's just a date." Mello grabbed Matt by his upper arm and began pulling him out of the apartment. "I'm warning you now; I'm not much of a 'date' person so don't get your hopes up."

"Uh, I guess that makes since. I mean you do seem more like the one-night-stand type. So, um, where are we going?" Mello shrugged.

"Nowhere special."

XXXXXX

As it turned out Mello took Matt to the park across the street. It wasn't very big and only one of the left corners had playground equipment; the rest was grass with a few wooden tables placed throughout it. Some benches were by the playground and the sidewalk they were walking on surrounded the whole park. After a few minutes of silence Matt glanced at Mello, opened his mouth, turned away, turned back, and was met with a glare.

"Spit it the fuck out already," Mello snapped. It was actually more of a growl since he was far from being a patient person.

"I-I was wondering, if we didn't know each other and you saw me…anywhere really, would you want to pick me up?" Mello raised an eyebrow and looked Matt up and down.

"Yeah, I probably would." He grabbed Matt's arm, pulling them both to a stop. "Your hair's-well it catches my eye and it's definitely something I'd want to grab onto." For emphasis he gave Matt's hair a sharp tug and left his hand fisted in the soft, red locks. "Your skin's pale but that just makes it look smooth, pleasant to touch." He licked Matt's cheek causing him to shudder. Mello moved so his lips were lightly brushing the red-head's and their bodies were pressed together. "And your mouth begs to be kissed." Mello closed the miniscule distance between them, melding their lips together. He pressed his tongue against Matt's lower lip to ask for the entrance that he immediately received.

Matt's eyes fluttered closed as he wrapped his arms around Mello's waist in an attempt to pull him closer, to make them one so not even skin could keep them apart. He couldn't bring himself to care about all of the little children they must be scarring, the parents that were most likely watching in openmouthed horror at the spectacle they were being, and that one young (probably drunk) person who yelled at them to 'get a room'. None of that mattered, let alone existed, in this moment with Mello's tongue roaming his mouth as his hands traveled under Matt's shirt to rest on his chest, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

As Mello deepened the kiss he couldn't help but think about how gentle he was being, how gentle he always was, with the red-head. He knew full well that had they really just met Matt would have been taken home and by the time he left he'd have been bloody, bruised, and traumatized, yet something about him made Mello feel more _protective _than sadistic. He knew that if anyone ever, even by accident, gave Matt so much as a scratch they'd have hell to pay.

When Mello finally pulled back they were both lightheaded and panting from arousal and lack of oxygen. Mello left his forehead resting against Matt's as they caught their breaths. "Feel special," Mello said, pulling away and wrapping an arm around Matt's waist. "I don't give out compliments very often." Matt's mouth split into a grin and he laughed, leaning into the blond.

"I don't know how I could feel more special," he said. "Just being with you makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world." Mello blushed a bit-actually _blushed_!-and pulled Matt closer. He had to admit, he felt pretty lucky too.

**Alice: Happy early Fourth of July to anybody that cares! XD I hope you're able to watch the fireworks, go to a barbeque, comment on the chapter…Pleeeeease! Although I won't hold it against you if you don't. XP (p.s. The 'd'-word is die if you couldn't tell.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alice: Mello will be a bit out of character because he has a relative visiting! Poor boy. So my friend who I lost contact with three years ago called me and we caught up and the stuff that happened to her made me go into shock (I think) for twenty or so minutes. And now I'm stuck between being extremely happy and wanting to cry my eyes out for her. So to get my mind off of it I've decided to focus on typing this up.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note.**_

Matt was woken up by the sound of someone knocking on the door. He stumbled out of the room he'd begun to think of as his and Mello's because of how often he slept in it nowadays. When he stopped in front of the door, wiping the sleep from his eyes with one hand and reaching for the handle with the other, he happened to glance down and notice that he wasn't wearing pants and, even worse, the world wasn't tinted yellow!

"Shit," Matt mumbled as he sprinted back to the bedroom. To his irritation in the few minutes it took him to locate his jeans and goggles on the disaster of the floor, which was littered with chocolate bar wrappers (of course), possibly clean cloths, and other things that would have been thrown away had either him or Mello not been too lazy or busy to give a damn, the knocking got louder and more insistent. He stuffed a leg in his pants and, as he hopped out of the room, glanced at Mello to make sure the blond was still asleep. He was and Matt wanted to keep it that way so he decided finding his shirt could wait until whoever was knocking was gone. He shoved his other leg into his jeans, shuddering at the thought of a more ornery than usual Mello, and reproached the door. "Hold on. I'm coming," Matt called as he pulled up the zipper.

The knocking stopped and a high pitched, female voice responded, "Who is that? Mello _is_ here isn't-" Matt opened the door and the girl's eyes widened slightly. "Awww! You're such a cutie!"The girl exclaimed. Her blonde hair was pulled into two pigtails and although she appeared no older than eighteen her skimpy, Lolita-style outfit suggested otherwise.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here? And at such an ungodly hour?" They both turned in the direction of Mello's voice to see him leaning against the doorway of the bedroom.

"Mello!" The girl exclaimed launching herself at the blond and, to Matt's shock, aside from an irritated sigh Mello did nothing to get her off of him. "I see you're still wearing leather." She finally released him, taking a step back. "So who's the cutie? I want to know. And since when do you let them stay the night?" She turned to look Matt up and down. "He's not your usual type. Most of them are more-"

"Would you _shut up_!" Mello yelled, cutting her off. Matt shifted uncomfortably. Who was this girl? "God. Why are you here?" The girl had been pouting from her…scolding if it could really be called that but the question made her eyes light up.

"That's right! I have some wonderful news!" She clasped her hands together, bouncing in excitement. "I have a boyfriend!" Mello's irritation spiked and he rolled his eyes.

"Why the hell would you feel the need to come tell me that? You're never single and I wouldn't think otherwise."

"First of all Light's special." Her lips turned up into a small, content smile. "And I had a moment of insanity and thought that I missed spending time with you." She grabbed one of Mello's hands in both of hers and held it up to her cheek. "Really, I do not know _what_ I was thinking." Matt, who had been watching and listening to their conversation in complete confusion, slowly raised one of his hands.

"Hi. So Matt would really like to know what's going on," he said and let his hand fall back to his side. The girl released Mello's hand and spun around to face Matt, her smile turned apologetic.

"I'm Misa," she said, walking towards Matt. "Mello's older sister." She giggled and flicked a pigtail over her shoulder. "We both take after our mom, that's why he's so pretty. But, of course, our mother's much more-" Matt, who had lost his voice due to shock, quickly found it again.

"Why didn't you tell me you have living relatives!" Matt exclaimed. "I mean with you jo-"

"Matt," Mello said in a warning tone.

_Oh, then they don't know about his "job", _Matt thought, nodding slightly to show that he understood.

"I mean really Mels," Matt continued not missing a beat, "you'd usually tell someone at least a little bit about you family." Mello rolled his eyes.

"You're not one to talk," The blond said, smirking. Matt cringed. That was right. He had yet to mention his home before Mello, just like the blond, and ideally that's how it would stay. Unfortunately the world didn't work that way and eventually things he didn't want to talk about _would _come up. Misa gasped, interrupting their conversation.

"Matt's extra special isn't he!" she exclaimed, clasping a hand to her chest. "Isn't he Mello! _Isn't_ he!" Without waiting for a response she attached herself to Matt's arm and gave him a peck on his cheek. Mello gritted his teeth and brushed his behind his ear, trying his best to keep himself from strangling his sister. But he swore to _God_ if she ever kissed him again a bullet was going into her head. Related or not he didn't care; they weren't close and even if they were she wasn't allowed to kiss Matt. (Yeah he was the jealous type. But he made it look good.)

"Uh-well-I-I don't know," Matt stuttered. He was blushing and that only ticked Mello off more. Plus he was shirtless! Fuck! He might not have a lot of muscle but that didn't mean he didn't have a great body. And…wait. Mello stared at the flustered red-head before him in shock. Matt honestly didn't know whether or not he was, to quote Misa, 'extra special' to him? Misa apparently also wasn't satisfied with his answer because she pouted and detached herself from him, going so far as to stomp a foot. You'd never guess that she was twenty-six going on twenty-seven. She turned and fixed a glare on him.

"Mello we need to talk," she said. Oh…shit. Mello knew that tone. It was Misa's _you're-coming-with-me-or-I'm-pulling-you-by-your-ear _tone that had, sadly, embarrassed him more than once when he'd still lived with his family. And even though he could definitely hold his own, now that she wasn't attached to his-his…Matt he didn't want to hurt her unless it was absolutely necessary. After all Misa _was_ his sister; she was allowed a second chance.

Mello grudgingly followed her out of the apartment and into the hallway, closing the door behind them and leaving a still confused Matt in the room.

"The goggles are kinda weird but he seems sweet," Misa said, narrowing her eyes at Mello as she placed her hands on her hips. "So why doesn't he know how extra super duper special he is to you?" Mello had to fight to keep from rolling his eyes at the childish words (he thought most people stopped saying 'super duper' when they were six) that he wouldn't repeat to save his life.

Instead of mentioning this he said, "Hell if I know. I thought I was making it pretty damn obvious."

"Well apparently you aren't. If you were he'd know. There wouldn't be a doubt in his mind."

"What do _you_ suggest I do then?' Mello wasn't one to ask for advice and it killed him inside to ask, of all people, his sister but…oh fucking well. Maybe he did need a little help.

"Um." She pressed her lips together, her brow furrowed, putting as much thought into it as her seldom used brain could manage. "Have you told him that you love him?"

"More or less." It might not have been out loud but he thought he'd made it clear.

"That doesn't sound very-oh! Oh oh oh!" She clasped Mello's shoulder's, jumping up and down in her excitement. "You should come on a double date with me and Light! It'll be a date and you get to meet my boyfriend. We both win!" Before Mello could tell her that no, he didn't like this fucking stupid idea at all she was bursting back into his apartment and running towards Matt. She launched herself at him sending them both to the floor. Mello ground his teeth and clenched his hands into fists. Alright, where the fuck was his gun?

"Woah!" Matt exclaimed when Misa tackled him. He cracked his head on the floor, inwardly cursing (there was a lady present and no matter the circumstances he was raised to be a gentleman) and hoping he wouldn't end up with a concussion. When he finally bothered to tune her in she was rambling about a double date. "Wait, what? Could you repeat that?"

"We're going on as double date! You and Mello and me and Light! It's going to be so much fu-ah!" she exclaimed as Mello yanked her off of Matt by a pigtail. She rubbed her head and stuck her tongue out at the blond. "Anyway I guess I should get going. I'll come get you guys at eight! Bye!" And then she was gone, leaving Matt to stare at a completely exhausted Mello.

"That was, uh, interesting," the red-head said after a long pause.

Mello shook his head, rubbing his temples, and walked toward the kitchen with a parting, "Fuck. I need chocolate."

**Alice: Reviews are loved.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Alice: Ahh~ I'm in such an AMAZING mood lately! XD So I wanted to say thank you to Carottal for reviewing each chapter so far! 3 I really appreciate it! (So, so happy!)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

After an awkward as fuck two and a half hour car ride to a stupid restaurant that Mello didn't want to be at on a, in his opinion, crashing and burning double-date the blond was positive that he did not nor would he ever, even remotely, like Light Yagami. Yup, his sister sure could pick'em. Way to give him another reason to stay away from her.

When they were finally brought to their table, which required another half hour of wasted life, even Matt with his seemingly infinite patience wanted the date to end as quickly as possible. It sort of disturbed him how happy Misa looked clinging to Light when he was constantly shoving her off of him and checking out other people. Matt felt bed for the poor girl.

"So Light's a few years younger than me; like seven but that's not too much. Besides age doesn't matter when you're in love!" Misa rambled excitedly. She nuzzled Light's neck and he shoved her away again with an eye roll. Matt could've sworn he heard Mello growl and if he had (aside from the fact that the blond had perfected the animalistic sound which was more than a little creepy) he completely understood because the he was beginning to hate Light too. The jackass didn't seem to care about whether or not he broke Misa's heart so if he didn't want to date her he could easily dump her without a second thought. Matt took a drag on his cigarette purposefully blowing the smoke in Light's direction.

Mello smirked when Light was sent into a coughing fit because he'd inhaled a nice, big breath of smoke. He mentally applauded Matt, deciding that he'd have to award the red-head later. Unfortunately Misa, the _idiot_, immediately began patting his back, trying to help him as if he actually disserved it. Mello was back to gritting his teeth and holding in his anger (God it was so much harder than you'd think). Somehow Misa always made him want to hit her.

"Anyway Mello we should spend time together more often," Misa said when she was sure Light was alright. "I know lots of people that I want you to meet!" She began to tick them off on her fingers. "There's Takada, Mikami, Halle, Sayu, Near, L-"

"What the hell kind of names are Near and L?" Mello asked, wondering how so many people could put up with his sister. Matt took another drag on his cigarette and shook his head, his lips turning up in a small smirk.

"You can't really say anything _Mello_," Matt said, smoke escaping his mouth with each word. The blond narrowed his eyes.

"If I were you I'd shut the fuck up. I'm in a bad mood as it is and I happen to have my gun with me. You don't want to cause a scene do you?" Matt laughed taking the threat in a stride as opposed to Misa whose eyes became as wide as plates.

"Since when do you own a gun!" Misa exclaimed, drawing the attention of the people sitting nearby. "I thought you were a pacifist!" Matt's jaw unhinged and his cigarette fell to the table, burning the polished wood. He glanced between Mello and Misa, his mouth hanging open, until he could speak again (that was the second time the girl had made him lose his voice).

"Are you kidding me!" Matt exclaimed, unable to believe what he'd just heard. "Mels you told her that you're a _pacifist_? You? Of all people? And she _believed_ that?" Mello seemed to become more and more pissed off with each question until he finally shot out of his seat, knocking his chair over and slamming his hand down on the table (more specifically on Matt's still slightly burning cigarette but if he felt any pain he didn't show it). So much for not making a scene.

"Yes she believed it because, if by some miracle you haven't already noticed, she's a complete idiot! She's so stupid and _spineless_ she even lets her so-called boyfriend flirt with other people, yes _people_ because he doesn't seem to care about the gender as long as they aren't _her_, right in front of her! She disgusts me!" Mello stormed off toward the bathroom, almost every eye in the restaurant on him and slammed the door. It was dead silent as Misa stared at the ground, a few tears slipping out of her eyes and Light, apparently ever the charmer, wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Matt stood and walked to the bathroom not wanting to hear whatever excuses Light was going to give the girl.

The door of the men's room was locked as Matt had expected. Instead of breaking in anyway, because picking locks happened to be one of his kickass talents next to hacking which he only used when he desperately needed money, he pressed his ear to the door. Matt cringed at the sounds of Mello taking out his rage on the poor, defenseless bathroom. The red-head slid down to sit with his back against the door deciding that getting involved when Mello was still so pissed off wouldn't be a good idea. It would only end with him in the hospital and Mello hating himself even more. It wasn't very obvious but Matt could occasionally see it in the blond's eyes and he'd even said he wasn't good enough the night Matt confessed. If that wasn't self hate he didn't know what was.

"Um. Matt?" He glanced up to see Misa and, unfortunately, a fair amount of her underwear. The red-head quickly averted his eyes, his cheeks flaming. Damn! Could her skirt be any shorter!

"Y-yeah?" Matt asked, attempting to push aside his embarrassment.

"You left this at the table and-" She held out his slightly crushed cigarette and he grabbed it from her. Thank you Misa! This was exactly what he needed, damn stressful situations. Matt fished his lighter out of his pocket and once the cigarette's end was glowing red he took a deep drag.

And?" He prompted, slowly letting out the sweet nicotine laced smoke.

"Oh! I wanted to say that I'm glad that you're with my brother." Misa smiled and laced her fingers together, pulling her hands to her chest. "You've got to be the first person he's wanted to hide his bad side from." Matt raised an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't call him saying that you disgust him and then tearing apart a bathroom hiding anything from me. And what was that all about anyway?" Misa's eyes widened a bit and she placed a finger to her lips in the 'shh' gesture.

"If Mello hasn't told you yet, and trust me I know 'cause of how many times he's yelled it at me, then I won't. Since you're living with him he has more of a right to tell you. By the way usually I'd be leaving with a few bruises and sometimes a black eye or scratch marks and a table or two would've been thrown across the room. Compared to that Mello's on his best behavior today." Misa smoothed her skirt and glanced at the bathroom. "I also came to give you my phone number because I like you and I hardly ever get to spend time with Mello and no matter what he thinks of me I love him. I was hoping that you'd be able to convince him to go out with me again and maybe you two could meet my friends." Misa rifled through her purse pulling out the closest thing she had out a pen: lipstick. She leaned down and scrawled the number on the underside of Matt's arm. "So remember to call me if he-"

"Come on Misa. Let's go," Light said walking up behind her. He began to make his way to the exit without another word and Misa ran after him, sparing Matt one last wave before attaching herself to Light's arm. Matt shook his head as he watched the pair disappear around a corner.

"Geez. I can understand why Mello's so pissed. I mean what does she see in that guy? He's such an asshole." Matt flicked the cigarette in front of him and crushed it with his shoe. He leaned back and closed his eyes, humming contently as he listened to the muffled sounds of destruction.

**Alice: Reviews are **_**loved**_** with every fiber of my being!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alice: Not much really happens in this chapter but I felt like it was necessary to include.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

"You need to learn to control your temper," Matt said softly. "I don't mind but I think you scared the shit out of a lot of people and the manager was pissed. It's a good thing you're rich otherwise you'd be seriously in debt." Mello ground his teeth. Of all places to bring this up it had to be when they were in bed and he was trying to fall asleep after a bad day. He may be rich but the amount of money he had to pay for that damn bathroom had still made him feel a little sick.

"Matt I don't fucking want to talk about this right now," Mello snapped. The red-head was lying with his head on Mello's chest, playing with the blond's hair. If Mello was willing or had the energy to move he would have pushed Matt off of him and onto the floor. As hard as it was to believe even he needed his beauty sleep.

"Would you at least tell me why you hate Misa? She doesn't seem that bad. Maybe a little stupid but that isn't really a reason to be disgusted by her."

"And here I was thinking that the conversation couldn't get any worse."

"She cares about you…Eh, I guess it isn't my place to get involved though." Mello stroked Matt's hair and groaned internally. Damn red-head making him feel guilty.

"What did Misa say to you?" That had to be it. Otherwise why would Matt mention that she cared about him? Matt shrugged.

"Basically that she misses you and wants to spend more time with you. Honestly I'm starting to think that your sister's a masochist. She's got a shitty, obviously unfaithful boyfriend and she actually wants to be around you. No offence." Mello narrowed his eyes and yanked on Matt's hair causing him to yelp.

"Hey! I said no offence!"

"Yeah, well I chose to take offence." Matt sighed and rubbed his head.

"I only meant that you aren't the nicest person in the world to her and if she were normal she probably would've told you to fuck off instead of trying to get you to be a part of her life."

"So she wants you to convince me to spend more time with her."

"Yup. How am I doing so far?"

"You're failing. And she isn't a masochist. She's just an-"

"Idiot. I know and I'm not going to argue with you. She obviously doesn't make the smartest choices. But I still think you should-" Mello placed a hand over Matt's mouth silencing him.

"Why do you care? This doesn't have anything to do with you." Matt cringed. It was true and he'd even said it himself. He didn't have any business getting involved in Mello's family problems. Matt pushed Mello's hand off of his mouth.

"I guess I care because family's important to me and you are too. So I want to be involved in your life and you won't have your parents and sister forever. You should spend as much of your time with them as possible and try your best not to have any regrets…Mello?"

"Yeah? I'm still listening if that's what you wanted to know."

"Um, no that isn't what I was wondering. I kind of assumed you were. I wanted to know what you would've done if, when Misa left the restaurant she was hit by a car or something like that and died? You'd never be able to take back anything that you said and would have to live with your last words to her being 'I despise you' for the rest of your life. You'd never be able to apologize." Matt snuggled deeper into Mello's chest. He felt like he was on the brink of bursting into tears and no longer knew if the questions were actually directed at Mello. "What would you do?" The words were hardly spoken above a whisper.

"Where the hell is this coming from all of a sudden?" Mello asked. When he didn't receive a reply he sighed. Obviously Matt wouldn't answer any of his questions unless he answered this one. "Honestly I don't know what I would do. I'd probably kill the driver that hit her if he wasn't already dead and the same goes for Light. If he were to live when she died obviously he didn't try hard enough to protect her. I might even visit my mom and give her the news personally. Wouldn't _that_ be a happy reunion."

"How long has it been since you last saw your parents?"

"I stopped bothering to go home after my mom got remarried so…I guess when I was seventeen? I wasn't home much before that though. It must've taken them a while to realize that I wasn't coming back."

"Would you tell me why you left of is it too personal?" Matt glanced up at Mello giving the blond a look at his eyes/weapon of choice to get what he wanted.

Mello tensed as soon as he caught himself staring into Matt's eyes. They were such a deep green that he could easily get lost in them and wouldn't mind staying there forever. Said eyes were, at the moment, pleading with him to spend more time with his sister, go see his mother and her husband, and divulge the secret of his past. Just as he was about to give in and do all of those things, starting with telling Matt about his past because it was around two in the morning and most people were asleep at this time, he realize what Matt was doing. The bastard was cheating using his eyes like that!

"How about I tell you when you tell me why you wanted to kill yourself," Mello said. Matt smiled and shook his head.

"I'd rather not," Matt whispered. Mello glared at him and pushed him away, rolling onto his side.

"Fine! I guess we don't have anything to talk about then!" Matt rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around the pouting blond's waist. Mello really couldn't stand not getting his way.

"Can we meet Misa's friends at least? Maybe she knows someone you'll actually like. And besides I want to." After a pause so long Matt thought Mello had fallen asleep he felt the blond nod. A smile spread across Matt's face and he squeezed Mello tighter. "I love you, you know that? Even if you don't feel the same about me."

_Matt you don't know how you affect me do you?_ Mello thought as he closed his eyes. He could hear the red-head's breathing even out and felt a tear slip out of his eye…He was crying? He hadn't cried since he was nine and he didn't even have a reason to. Right? Mello swiped the tear away with the back of his hand.

Misa had apparently been right. Matt didn't know how he felt about him and to make things more irritating Mello couldn't bring himself to say it. No matter how hard he tried, and he _had_ tried, he couldn't force the words out. They'd become lodged in his throat, suffocating him like they were now. "Matt," Mello whispered, turning around and caressing the red-head's cheek. "All I'm doing is hurting you aren't I? I don't disserve you." Because he didn't have the right to love anybody. Not after all of the misery he caused every time he was called to do a job. Not after everything he had taken away from so many people. No, he definitely did not have a right to be in love.

**Alice: Review please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Alice: Once again not much happens in this chapter but you'll get to meet everybody in the next one! Something to look forward to right?**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

Matt lay sprawled out on the couch, staring at his cell phone. Yesterday after they had gotten back to the apartment he had programmed Misa's number into the phone even though there wasn't much of a chance that he'd forgetting it. Mello may have scrubbed it off of his arm until his skin was as red as his hair but that didn't change the fact that he had a photographic memory.

"Meeello, would you kill me if I called Misa and told her the good news?" Matt asked. The blond was in the kitchen devouring chocolate and since chocolate is supposed make you happy because of endorphins Matt figured it was the best time to ask. Mello may have said he would spend time with Misa but that didn't mean he was willing to.

Mello set his chocolate down on the counter and massaged his temples. Just the mention of his sister gave him a headache. Misa might mean well but she never failed to piss him off. It hadn't always been like this though. She didn't used to be such a fucking push over. She knew when she was being treated wrong and would _do_ something about it. It all changed the year she turned eighteen and he became fourteen. Everything changed and it never went back to normal. Not even a few years later when their mother stopped dating bastards and got remarried to a nice guy, because some damaged things can't be fixed and unfortunately his life was one of those things. Matt was wasting his time trying.

"Sure, call her but if she asks to talk to me I'm not here," Mello said, picking up his chocolate bar and walking into the living room area. Since his options were to either sit on Matt because he was lying down or stand he leaned against the couch. Matt rolled his eyes and dialed the number.

"Is there any reason besides being childish that you don't want to talk to her?" the red-head asked.

"Nothing specific." Misa picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" She said. It sounded like she was in the middle of brushing her teeth.

"Uh, hi Misa. It's Matt," Matt said. It was then that Mello decided to continue talking. The blond leaned close to Matt's unoccupied ear.

"I just prefer being able to hear," Mello said with a smirk. Oh, he wanted to be able to... Wait, what?

"Are you calling for what I think you're calling for!?" Misa shrieked. Alright, that hurt! Matt held the phone away form his ear and glared at Mello. The bastard couldn't have told his sooner?

"I think so-"

"_Ahhhh!_ I can't _believe_ you actually did it! And so soon!" Aaaand that kind of hurt too.

"Yeah. It actually wasn't all that difficult. I take it you're happy?"

"Oh my God. I-I-I'm...ecstatic! Oh gosh, I think I'm going to faint!"

"What!?" Matt put the phone back to his ear and Mello raised an eyebrow. The red-head could hear Misa gasping which only fueled his mini-panic attack. He shot to his feet even thought there was nothing he could do from _here_. "Whoa! Okay, Misa deep breaths... I think. Deep breaths! Don't faint! I highly doubt anyone's there to catch you!" Her gasps slowed to Matt's relief.

"I'm fine. I was just..."

"Ecstatic?" Misa laughed and since Matt could hear jewelry jingling he figured she was nodding.

"Thanks Matt," She said, suddenly sobering up. She even sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"No, like I said it was no big deal." Her nearly fainting had been bad enough. Matt wasn't sure he'd be able to handle tears.

"You're just... so sweet." Misa's voice caught and he cursed inwardly. For God's sake, why did she have to be as emotionally unstable as her brother! Sure Mello didn't burst into tears but he could go from happy to depressed in the blink of an eye.

"That's nice of you to say. So, uh, when do you want to meet us?" Misa sniffled and after four more minutes of sob riddled conversation they decided to get together that Friday. Matt was still standing when he hung up the phone so he tossed it onto the couch and sent Mello a _why-the-hell-didn't-you-warn-me_ glare. The blond smirked and bit off a chunk of his chocolate, clearly pleased.

"How did she take it?"Mello asked. Matt shook his head and played along.

"Eh, I guess she was pretty happy about it." In less than three seconds they had burst into laughter. Mello clutched his stomach. He was laughing so hard it hurt. The blond even had to lean on Matt to keep from dropping to the ground until they were finally able to stop. "Damn," Matt said still giggling a little. "I haven't laughed like that in _too_ long."

"I've never laughed like that in my life." Matt glanced at Mello and his eyes widened when he realized the blond was serious.

"Wow. You are one deprived child."They burst into laughter again and when they stopped this time Matt was hugging Mello with his head resting on the blond's shoulder. "...Mello, why the hell are you so deprived?" Matt's voice had lowered to a whisper. Mello shrugged.

"Because life likes to fuck people up." Matt smiled and nodded.

"I'm not gonna argue with that. I've been screwed over pretty royally too." The silence stretched and the two of then held each other, neither of them asking the most obvious, important question: What happened to you? They knew even before last night that they wouldn't get an answer so there was no point in asking again. Matt glanced up at Mello who happened to be staring down at him and felt his cheeks heat. "Mello?" The blond tugged Matt's goggles off and dropped them onto the floor.

"Yeah?" The chocolate bar was long gone and Mello licked his lips. The blond's eyes were oddly calm as they stared into Matt's. Instead of being the usual ice or fire they had settled into water and Matt knew he could dive into them and never resurface. He suddenly understood what everyone meant when they said they got lost in his eyes. He used to think it would be terrifying to be unable to release himself from a person's gaze but now knew how wrong he'd been. Being lost in Mello's eyes whether they were burning, freezing, or caressing him made him feel... all fuzzy inside.

"Can I... kiss you?" Matt asked, worried he'd receive a no. He knew that it was stupid to worry but couldn't help it. Mello was too- too everything that he wasn't. Active, openly emotional, _beautiful_. In short just the thought of Mello maybe, possibly, sort of being in love with him and wanting him seemed so impossible he turned into an aching mess. Every heartbeat sent the pain farther and farther throughout his body until his chest finally went numb and his heart froze a little more and the only thing he wanted to do was scream.

"Of course!" Mello exclaimed, pulling Matt out of his thoughts. "You don't even have to ask." Matt smiled and slowly leaned into the blond, sliding their lips together. Mello languidly wrapped his arms around the red-head, tugging him closer and took control of the kiss. He could feel the heat radiating from Matt's cheeks as he explored his mouth.

Matt moaned. Mello tasted so sweet he was practically edible! And even though nothing about the kiss was rushed or urgent or needy (in fact every caress of Mello's mouth and tongue was slow and affectionate) Matt's heart was racing. He finally pulled back and cuddled into the blond's chest. Mello stroked Matt's hair and tilted his face up planting a kiss on the red-head's forehead.

"So," Mello said, "when are we meeting my sister?"

**Alice: Hope you liked it! Review! P.S. The next chapter should be up by next weekend if not sooner since it's already written out.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Alice: And so, at least in my opinion, the fun stuff begins. ^.^ Sorry it took so long.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don not own **_**Death Note.**_

Things were tense to say the least. Everybody was crammed into Misa's dorm room because she had forgotten something and Near had said the worst possible thing he could've _ever_ said to Mello. Matt grabbed the blond's arm, holding him back. If Mello really wanted to attack the albino though Matt didn't doubt the blond could shake him off. The red-head wasn't exactly strong and Mello could be pretty terrifying when pissed.

"Mels I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded. You don't need to kill him," Matt said. Near cocked his head to the side, twirling a strand of hair around his finger.

"I asked him if he wasn't smart enough to get into a college. How else could that be interpreted?" Near asked. Matt's eyes widened. What the fuck!? Did the albino have a death wish? Mello growled, drawing L's attention. He raised an eyebrow and stepped in front of Near.

"I'm afraid you're going to do something you'll regret," L said. Mello rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his hips.

"There's no way in hell I'd regret it," the blond said, giving Near a death glare.

"And I completely understand. He insulted your intelligence, but he's always been this way: blunt and not taking people's feelings into consideration. Besides he's my cousin and I've been put in charge of him. If my parents find out I let him get killed they would hunt me down, force vegetables down my throat, and take away my sweets. Then I would die because I'll refuse to eat and I'm not in the mood for dying anytime soon."

"I don't-"

"I found it!" Misa exclaimed from where she was searching in the bathroom. She walked out; pressing a kiss to the lip gloss she was now holding. "Oh, how did I go on without you for so long? My lips were dull and not shiny for at least three hours!" Misa gave her lip gloss another kiss and if no one else felt embarrassed for her Matt definitely did. She stuffed it in her bra ignoring or, most likely, not noticing Light shaking his head in disgust and Takada's shocked stare. Takada smacked her on the back of the head and Misa rubbed the spot she'd hit, pouting.

"What are you thinking showing yourself off like that? Don't you have any pride at all?" Takada asked, irritated. Misa snorted.

"Aw, but Takada you're only saying that because _you_ don't have anything to show off," Misa said her tone a bit too sweet. Mello's mouth fell open and Takada clenched her fists her cheeks turning pink, whether from anger or embarrassment it was hard to tell.

Well... shit. Mello didn't know what to say when his sister ran up to him, linking their arms together and dragging him out of the room. Nobody else had much of a reaction so this must have been a normal occurrence. Given how meek Misa always was the blond honestly hadn't thought she still had it in her to be such a bitch. It was fucking amazing!

"And that's the building where I have math class," Misa said. Mello finally tuned her in suddenly remembering the real reason for why he was here. His sister could've chosen any place for them to meet up but she had picked the university. Misa wanted him to see her school because she couldn't leave well enough alone. This was obviously one of her attempts at convincing him to go to college.

Misa smiled at her brother as she talked on and on about the school. She knew that he knew what she was trying to do because he was smart. She had also attempted this multiple times but had never actually gotten him to come to the school and she hoped him being here was a sign that this time she might succeed. After all she owed so much to Mello: her education, their mother's life, and even her own life. Their mom and stepdad were well off and had offered to take up paying for her to attend college because Mello had been doing it since he was only fifteen but he had, for some reason, insisted on taking care of it.

Neither she nor their mom had ever asked Mello where the money came from even though it was so obviously _wrong_. The youngest child shouldn't be supporting the family. That was their mother's job and when she was... unable to Misa should have taken over. Instead she didn't ask, didn't even question it, when Mello took over because she was afraid to know. Still afraid to know actually because maybe he was doing something terrible. And that would be all her fault for not being the older sister she could've been and he might... might _hate_ her. So at the very least she could try to make up for that by encouraging him to continue getting the education he disserved, right? She didn't mind if that meant he had to stop paying for her. By now she must be able to get a job. Did it matter that she'd changed her major more times than she could count?

"Misa what was that about back there?" Mello asked cutting her off midsentence. Misa's brow furrowed. Back there? She glanced backward at the rest of their group. Matt was playing on a DS and Near was walking beside him, Light had an arm wrapped around L's shoulders and was in deep conversation with him, Sayu was texting someone, Halle and Takada were talking, and Mikami was trailing behind them. Mello rolled his eyes at his sister's stupidity.

"What do you mean?" Misa asked.

"I'm not talking about _them_. I mean the thing that happened between you and Takada. What the fuck was that?"

"Er, it was nothing special. That happens all the time." Misa blushed, glancing at her brother. She felt her excitement skyrocket when she didn't see the usual disappointment in his eyes. If she were willing to get her hopes up she might even think he looked kind of proud. Of _her_. His screw up older sister. The thought almost made her want to cry it was so unbelievable.

"What makes Takada special? I haven't seen you stand up for yourself since before-"

"Yeah. I know." Misa giggled. "You did look pretty shocked." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear after untangling it from an earring. "I don't mind if it's other girls. I don't even mind if it's boys." Misa glanced back at L and Light her smile turning sad. "As long as I'm the only _official_ one. The one he doesn't have to hide. But she wants to take even that from me... The only thing I have and she wants to take it." Mello stared at his sister his eyebrows furrowing. How long had it been since his sister was serious? Since she wasn't a meek, stupid little thing? And now, for this brief moment, she was herself again and he couldn't think of a single thing to say. "I might roll over for anything else but _that_ is not happening." Misa smiled at him and- holy shit! -it actually reached her eyes! Another thing he hadn't seen in ages.

"Misa you're really happy aren't you?" He wanted to know and it was only natural to be curious right? After all he _was_ her brother.

"Absolutely! I don't think I could be happier! Light is just incredible." And _it_ was back, taking the real Misa's place. Mello sighed wondering how much longer he'd have to stay.

Matt was bored out of his fucking mind and getting increasingly irritated with each passing second. He had beaten his game a few minutes ago and had nothing to focus on but Misa droning on and on about the college to Mello. And Halle who kept sending lustful glances towards the blond. Matt was about ready to forget being a gentleman and punch the fucking slut in her face! Just as he was going to whip around and confront the bitch he felt someone tugging on his sleeve. Matt turned his attention to Near.

"Do you need something?" the red-head asked.

"I think I know you," Near said, tugging on his hair as he scrutinized Matt. The red-head shifted uncomfortably. Now that he thought about it the albino did look a little familiar but _only_ a little. So they must each be thing of someone else right? Not that Matt was usually mistaken for other people given his bright red hair and the goggles but, well, if he knew Near he'd remember. The whole photographic memory thing guaranteed that.

"Sorry you've gotta be thinking of somebody else. I have an amazing memory and I definitely haven't met any non elderly people with white hair." Near ignored this and, to Matt's annoyance, came closer to him. The albino was practically walking on Matt's feet and one of his hands had winded into the red-head's hair pulling them closer together.

"Ah. I remember now. I used to live next door to you. Before you moved away." Oh. Fucking. Shit. Matt glanced worriedly at Mello and, assured that the blond wasn't paying them any attention, turned back to Near. It was no wonder he didn't recognize the boy. When he knew Near his hair was a different color every two weeks since his mom worked in a hair salon and could sneak out any products she needed. Aside from not knowing the albino's natural hair color he apparently hadn't known his real name. Matt had been told to call him Nate and that was the only name he'd heard Near referred to as. "Hmm. The goggles are new."

"Since when are you Near?" Matt couldn't help but ask. He detached Near from him and put an arms length of distance between them.

"Since I was born. My mother technically named me Nate but whoever wrote the name down misheard her. Then when she found out about the mistake she didn't bother to change it and besides I told her I didn't mind the name." This whole thing was surprising and Matt knew that if Mello ever found out about... certain things that happened between him and Near when they were younger Near would definitely be killed. For example the blond could never know that Near was his first kiss and if Matt hadn't been forced to move six years ago they might still be dating... Yeah, some things were best kept form Mello.

**Alice: Just so we're clear I do **_**not**_** support MattxNear and that kinda wrote itself but I **_**do**_** like the possibilities it gives me. ;) Well, review please!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Alice: Okay so since school's starting tomorrow updates are going to take longer but I'll try to get them up as soon as possible. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

"Why are you talking to that asshole?" Mello asked. He had finally gotten away from Misa and they were all sitting in the cafeteria partly to get out of the sun and partly because a few of them were actually hungry. Matt and Mello weren't one of those few and were seated at a two person table a few feet away from everybody else. Matt stared at his arm, poking his sunburned skin and refusing to meet Mello's eyes.

"I don't remember talking to Light," the red-head said, already knowing that playing dumb wouldn't work. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Don't act like an idiot. It isn't attractive. You know I mean Near."

"It was mostly him talking to me actually."

"I don't care who did most of the talking. That bastard called me stupid. He's lucky to be alive right now!" Just then Near began walking toward their table. His eyes never left Matt, making the red-head increasingly panicked and Mello even more ticked. Matt crossed his fingers, hoping Near would walk right past them to the- he glanced to the left- ...filled tables or brick wall. Matt groaned and rested his head in his hands. Why did today hate him? Seriously, what did he do wrong?

"Can I sit here?" Near asked, placing the hand that wasn't twirling his curls on the table.

"Sorry. There aren't any more chairs," Mello said, sneering at the sheep. Near blinked, glanced around, and pushed the nearest empty chair to the table.

"_Now_ can I sit here?" Mello clenched his hands and glared daggers at the albino.

"Listen you dense son of a bitch. I don't fucking-"

"Mello!" Matt exclaimed. He placed a hand on the blond's arm. "What did I tell you about your anger issues?" Mello ground his teeth and sank down in his chair, glowering at Matt who was sending Near an apologetic smile.

"Fine. _Fine_! Sit. What the fuck do I care? It isn't like he insulted me or anything." Near sat and glanced between Matt and Mello.

"Matt, are you dating him?" Near asked. Matt blanched. This was _not_ a discussion he wanted to have with Near of all people.

"I- Well, yes but I don't think that's any of your business," Matt said in a rush. Mello raised an eyebrow. The red-head was acting strange.

"Hmm. Anyway, I heard about your mo-"

"Would you shut up?" Near tilted his head to the side and Mello studied the two in confusion.

"I only wanted to give you my cond-"

"Can we not talk about this right now?"

"Matt what's going on?" Mello asked. It seemed like they knew each other but why wouldn't Matt tell him that?

"He doesn't know about your..." Near trailed off and Matt nodded.

"Damn it! What the hell are you two talking about!?" Near smiled slightly and stood. He grabbed Matt's hand and pulled the re-head to his feet then faced Mello.

"Apparently something that doesn't concern you otherwise he," Near raised the Matt's hand which the red-head immediately yanked back down, "wouldn't be desperate to keep it from you."

"No, I'm not keeping it from him. I want to tell him myself but I- Near why the hell would you bring it up?" Matt glared at the albino and pulled him to another table on the opposite side of the room, leaving a seething Mello behind. "It's not that way and I know you know it."

"I haven't seen you in years, you hadn't told him yet, and you didn't appear to want him to know. What else was I supposed to think?" Matt cringed. When he put it that way it did seem like he didn't want Mello to know. And he did plan on telling the blond just... not yet. He wasn't ready to talk about it. ...Then there was Near. He stared at the albino feeling the beginnings of a headache. Did he really even have to Mello about what had happened between them?

Mello stared shocked after Matt as he dragged Near away. What the fuck just happened? Obviously those two _did_ know each other and that fucking sheep was rubbing it in his face that he knew something about Matt that Mello had yet to be told (and there was a lot he didn't know about the red-head). Then to add insult to injury Matt _left_ him sitting here so he could be alone with that bastard! Mello growled low in his throat and stood. There was no way in hell he would allow this.

"He doesn't know anything about you but you're dating him," Near said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah but I don't know his past either," Matt said defensively.

"Well, if that works for you..."

"Near even just _thinking_ about her hurts. I don't want to forget her but I don't want to try to kill myself again either." And Matt had thought about it more than once since Mello took him in: maybe taking one of the blond's guns or jumping out of a window or drowning himself while taking a bath or even sneaking out to find another train. The only thing that kept him from doing one of the deadly activities on that list was the thought that his death might hurt the blond and that was the last thing he wanted to do. "And Mello won't tell me because he's stubborn. He wants to wait until I spill my guts first." Suddenly Matt found himself sprawled on the ground with a severely aching cheek. He stared up wide-eyed at Mello whose usually angelic face was contorted with rage. "What the fuck!?" They were drawing a crowd, to Matt's horror, because apparently that happened whenever Mello went out with Misa whether his anger was directed at her or not.

"My exact thought when you walked away with _that_!" Mello yelled. He gestured towards Near then placed his hands on his hips like the whole thing was one hundred percent Matt's fault.

"I didn't-" All of a sudden the full amount of pain from the punch hit Matt and he was engulfed in a wave of nausea. Holy _shit _Mello was strong! He pressed a hand to his cheek and squeezed his eyes shut as tightly shut as possible, forcing back the need to vomit. "_Fucking hell_! You couldn't have gone easy on me!?" Matt ran his thumb over his teeth to make sure none of them were broken and when he pulled it out (thank goodness there weren't any breaks) it was coated in blood from his split lip and cuts inside his mouth.

Mello's eyes widened at the sight of blood dribbling out of Matt's mouth. His anger slipped away, clearing his mind and allowing him to realize what exactly he had done. He punched Matt. The one person in existence that he had decided he wanted nothing more than to protect and he did _this_. All because Near had gotten to him by rubbing in that he knew one or more of the many things about the red-head the Mello didn't. Mello turned on his heal and pushed aside anyone blocking his path to get out of the building. He needed fresh air.

"Matt! Are you alright!?" Misa cried, running to the red-head's side. She knelt down beside him and tilted his face up to give herself a better view of the damage. "Oh. You're bleeding!"

"I'm fine. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did a few minutes ago," Matt said, forcing his lips to turn up in a smile.

"What happened?" Misa helped Matt to his feet and glared at the crowd. "Go away! There's nothing left to see!" The people slowly trickled away going back to whatever they had been doing earlier and she dabbed the blood off of Matt's face with her sleeve. The red-head rolled his eyes at all of the care and attention she was giving him.

"I have no Idea what happened. I guess Mello got ticked off and decided to take it out on me." He said it so casually that Misa froze.

"Does he do that a lot?"

"What? No, of course not. This is the first time it's ever happened." Misa breathed a sigh of relief and finished wiping the blood from Matt's face.

"Okay. Good as- well," Misa lightly ran a thumb over his already bruising cheek and noted his wince, "at least there's no more blood right? Anyway you should sit down. I'm going to go talk to Mello." She gave Matt a smile then turned and ran after her brother. Matt picked up the chair he had been sitting in, flopped down on it, and heaved a sigh. If he thought today hated him before...

"Well, that sucked," Matt said. He lightly prodded his cheek causing himself to wince again.

"You let him hit you," Near murmured, drawing the red-head's attention to him.

"I wouldn't say I _let_ him. He took me by surprise."

"Never the less you... accepted it. Like it doesn't matter."

"That's because it _doesn't_ matter. Geez you're acting like he abuses me all the time. I'm sure you heard me tell Misa that this was a first."

"But if he loves you it never should have happened. He shouldn't have hurt you." Matt bit down on his bottom lip, drawing out more blood. He licked it away and stared down at the table.

"Who said Mello loves me?" Near paused in twirling his hair and nodded slowly as if everything suddenly made since.

I see. He hasn't said anything yet and you don't think- no, you refuse to believe that he does. No matter how obvious he makes it you don't want to end up being wrong in the end. You're so broken already if you were to let yourself believe that he loves you and it turns out that he doesn't you'd fall apart wouldn't you? And this time you wouldn't be able to piece yourself back together." Matt leaned back in his chair and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, taking a deep drag after he lit it.

"What can I say? You're still a genius and I'm a little more careful than I used to be."

XXXXXX

Misa hesitantly approached Mello. He was savagely devouring a chocolate bar that he'd gotten form god knows were as there weren't any vending machines around and it was obvious that he didn't want company. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves and walked towards him anyway. _She_ was _his_ older sibling. Not the other way around. She shouldn't be afraid of him. Unfortunately a history of bruises, black eyes, and split lips were hard to forget and she was here to _scold_ him, something she hadn't attempted to do in years, so her voice quavered a bit when she began talking.

"Mello what was that about in there?" Misa asked. Mello glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and sighed, popping the last of the chocolate in his mouth.

"Nothing that you need to concern yourself with. It's my problem. Don't get involved," Mello replied. Problem... that barely described what he had done. Since he _punched Matt_ and the red-head must hate him because of it. The thought alone was enough to make him feel like he was going to throw up.

"B-but I..." Misa clenched her fists. Don't 'concern herself'? Like hell she wasn't going to 'concern herself'! She-she was his older sister damn it! It was her job to get involved when he screwed up. "Mello what are you doing out here?" The blond faced his sister and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, I wanted some fresh air. Why do you care?"

"Because you fucked up. Royally. And you should be in there," she pointed toward the cafeteria building, "begging for Matt's forgiveness or at the very least apologizing hundreds of times because he did nothing wrong! You let your anger control you and you _fucked up_!" Misa's voice came out harsher than she'd intended and her heart was rapidly. She was afraid it might end up leaping out of her chest. Her whole body was trembling, tensed for whatever he was going to do to hurt her. With the way she just talked to his she was positive there was no way she was going back to her dorm tonight without a few bruises. But to her shock Mello started... laughing. Misa's bottom lip stuck out in a pout and placed her hands on her hips. "I don't see what's so funny."

"It's- god it's been such a long time." He walked up to Misa and wrapped his arms around her feeling awkward, especially because he was the one who initiated the hug. "It's been years," Mello murmured. "Where the hell have you been hiding?" Misa's mouth dropped open in shock. Mello... was... hugging her! It was a miracle. No, the apocalypse was coming.

When what he had said finally sunk in her body suddenly became too heavy and she had to lean against him, clutching his shirt to keep from collapsing into a sobbing mess on the ground. She rested her head on his shoulder instead, crying her eyes out and soaking Mello's arm. Because he missed her. After all this time he still missed the girl she didn't think she could be anymore. Her little brother didn't hate her.

Mello rubbed Misa's back in an attempt to comfort her all the while wishing he were somewhere else. Sure he was glad she was acting like she used to, back when he was a child and looked up to her, but this situation was awkward for him. The whole comforting thing was hard enough, let alone the tears. Misa sniffled one last time and, sensing her brother was uncomfortable, gently pushed him away.

"Well?" Misa said with a smile. "What are you still doing out here?" Mello's phone buzzed telling him he had a text. He checked it then glanced toward the entrance of the cafeteria, and his eyes seemed to freeze over. "Mello?" He strode past a puzzled Misa and into the building. This had happened at the worst possible moment because... Yes, he would apologize (something he, as a rule, _never_ did) as much as Matt wanted him to and then some but when the red-head woke up in the morning he'd be ticked. Or hurt. Or both...

"Damn," Mello muttered. "I couldn't have hit him last week?" No matter what Matt was going to feel like Mello had abandoned him whether it took hours or days or weeks but hitting him just made it worse. All because this time he had been told last minute and had no idea how long he'd be gone.

**Alice: Hope you liked it. And even if you didn't review! Nothing to mean though, there's no need to be cruel.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Alice: First. Break. Since. School started. Seriously, did anyone else get tons of homework in **_**all**_** of their classes by the second day of school? X_X Geez... P.S. The stuff in italics is a flashback. And in the flashback Matt's… REALLY OCC. But for a reason. Yeah. Thought I'd warn you. :3**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

Waking up was hell. Matt reached up and poked his cheek, not really the smartest move but he was half asleep, and winced. He grabbed the aspirin bottle from the desk on his side of the bed and shook two pills out of it. The red-head swallowed them dry then slowly pried his eyes open. On top of having a throbbing cheek he also had a splitting headache from too many drinks last night (unfortunately some stressful situations cigarettes couldn't help with). Therefore he was beyond grateful for the dim room.

Yesterday, after the whole punching incident was over and done with, turned... weird. Mello had apologized, something Matt had _never_ expected to come out of the blond's mouth _ever_, at least twice a minute and Misa seemed empowered. Well, until she saw Light anyway. Then she went right back to being her usual submissive self that Matt knew Mello always wanted to beat the shit out of. Or the sense into. Actually, maybe it was a little of both. Then Near basically asked Matt on a date. (Dinner at a fancy place. Just the two of them. Alone. Along with the other people at the restaurant. That sure as hell sounded like a date to Matt.) Hence the need for alcohol. Especially because Near had asked him right in front of Mello and the blond. Didn't. React. Sure Matt shot him down but Mello should've wanted to kill the albino anyway. Instead of lunging for Near's throat though Mello actually _behaved_. Aside from glaring at the albino and wrapping his arm, maybe a bit too possessively, around Matt's waist that is. It was fucking terrifying! At least that was what Matt had thought at the time but now that yesterday night was coming back to him he was realizing what terrifying really was.

_They were sitting in the living room. The volume on the television was too low to hear clearly but neither of them cared as their thoughts were elsewhere. Mello was lying with his head resting on Matt's lap and the red-head was staring at him shocked. Mello might show affection but never this much. Not in one day. Matt swore he had gotten more affection from Mello today than he had in the weeks he's been living with the blond all put together. There were the constant apologizes, hand holding (yes, _hand holding_!), and the slight possessiveness that had happened at the college. Then Mello had bought the red-head as much alcohol as he needed (notice it's not _wanted_ but _needed_). After the red head was considerably drunk Mello also had to buy him twelve packs of cigarettes, eight bottles of aspirin, a purple balloon (because Matt had seen a kid with one and gotten jealous), two kittens, a four layer cake, a puppy, brand new electronics and video games, they got his nails -fingers and toes- painted, and (yes, we've finally reached the end) a fluffy stuffed unicorn._

_Matt absentmindedly began running the fingers of one hand through Mello's hair. The other had the balloon tied to its wrist and was busy petting the unicorn. Said unicorn was bright pink and sparkly, like Matt's nails, and kept distracting his alcohol clouded mind from his thoughts. Matt but down on his bottom lip, trying his best to focus. Now, what was he just... Oh! Right! Mello was being nice. _Way_ too nice. Which was weird 'cause Matt's face didn't even hurt anymore. In fact he felt great aside from not being able to- Sparkly! ...God this unicorn was soft. Or was that Mello's hair? He gave the blond's locks a tug and Mello gently pushed his hand away. Wow. He had the nicest, bestest, sweeterific boyfriendish thing (because it had yet to be made official) ever!_

_Matt was drunk. And it was hilarious. Under normal circumstances Mello would be laughing his ass off right now as the red-head was trying to lick his balloon (seriously, had the bartender slipped something into a few of Matt's many drinks when the blond wasn't paying attention?). As soon as they'd gotten back to the apartment the cats had disappeared, the dog had set to work gnawing on one of the kitchen chairs, and Mello was forcing himself to be nice because he'd blown more than one thousand dollars in less than five hours to pre-apologize for what he was going to do. And to make sure he didn't ruin it by upsetting Matt he wasn't allowing himself to yell at the dog who had a perfectly good bone to chew on, because the blond had bought everything the animals would need, or get pissed over the waste of money or laugh at the extremely drunk (and possibly high because there was no way he was ruling that out) Matt. Besides his thought were mostly on... well a few more hours into today since it was one in the morning and none of those irritating or hilarious things. He just needed Matt to fall asleep._

"_Mellllllloooooo! Why are you being soooo nice?" Matt asked, finally giving up on licking his balloon._

"_What, I'm not allowed to be nice?" Mello asked._

"_I didn't say that!" Matt crossed his arms, clutching the unicorn to his chest. "You're already pretty nice but not this super duper much. Something's wrong. Are you still mad about Near? Are you trying to get me to like you better than him? 'Cause I already do and you don't have to try." Hearing that was definitely reassuring even if it probably wouldn't matter in a few day or weeks. First of all this time there was a very good chance that he could die. And secondly his 'work,' if going out and killing people could really be called that, had waited until yesterday to tell him he had to leave _today_. Since he'd taken Matt in he hadn't been called in for jobs so the red-head didn't know that he could be gone for months at a time. Before yesterday Mello hadn't been worried though but now it was short notice and there was that fucking sheep who knew more about Matt than he did! Mello ground his teeth and forced himself to calm down._

"_No, I'm not being nice because of Near," the blond said. "Matt I have to go away for awhile. For work."_

"_You have to kill somebody?" Matt asked. It sounded so damn innocent when he said it that Mello couldn't help but cringe._

"_...Yeah. I would've told you sooner but I didn't find out until yesterday when we were at Misa's college and I don't know when I'll be back."_

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Don't worry about that okay?"_

"_Oh. But you'll call me right?"_

"_...Remember we have pets now. Don't forget to feed them. I don't want to come home to dead animals." Mello would see more than enough death while working and didn't want to have to deal with any more than that._

"_I can't forget. I promise. Because I won't be responsible for their deaths too." Mello glanced up at Matt. Too? Meaning he was responsible for somebody else's death? Matt was zoning out again so Mello snapped his fingers to regain the red-head's attention. "When are you leaving?" Matt asked once his eyes had refocused on the blond laying on his lap. Mello grimaced. Here was the question he had been dreading. See he didn't really _do_ goodbyes. As far as he was concerned if someone didn't know you were leaving they wouldn't try to make you stay. Therefore he had decided that a goodbye to Matt was forbidden because he was afraid that if the red-head asked he _would_ stay._

"_In a few weeks." Even before the lie had passed Mello's lips he'd been regretting it. There was no way he'd take it back now and Matt was going to be pissed or hurt... or both. Exactly what he'd been stressing over since he's gotten the text from his work. "Matt do you remember how I said that if you told me your past I'd tell you mine?"_

"_Yeah, I remember that!" He smiled as if he was proud of himself for being able to recall the conversation._

"_Alright, well, I changed my mind."_

"_Reeeeally? That's so unlike you!" Matt giggled and leaned forward to press a kiss to Mello's forehead. The blond rolled his eyes._

"_Anyway my dad had... issues. He didn't beat us or anything like that but he couldn't hold down a job and was rarely home. As far as I know my mom didn't mind too much but I have a suspicion that she hated him a little for leaving her alone all the time. Either way she loved him and one day he turned up dead and she... I guess she sort of... broke. Or went into shock. She couldn't- no she refused to move, let alone work so Misa had to take care of her. Then I had to get a job otherwise we were screwed and I wasn't going to let us end up living on the streets._

"_And you got hired to kill people."_

"_Uh... not exactly but close enough." There was a brief silence that filled the air while Matt braided pieces of Mello's hair and the blond thought about his mother and sister; two subjects he usually preferred to ignore. "You know I think Misa became the way she is now because of how our mother closed herself off and then getting herself into an abusive relationship. Misa's incredibly impressionable despite her age so the idea that it's better to be in a relationship, despite how you're treated, than to be single became ingrained in her mind making her the spineless person she is today." _She might be getting better though_, he added to himself. He didn't want to get his hopes up though because even he wasn't immune to disappointment._

"_She lets herself get hurt and that hurts you and because of that you hate her. I guess that kind of makes since. She _is_ your older sister after all. You wouldn't want to see her in pain all the time."_

"_You're really coherent for a drunk person." Matt stuck his tongue out at Mello._

"_That's because I'm trying hard. Seriously the effort to _not_ stare at that unicorn is giving me a headache. Oh, and sorry about your dad. Losing people sucks." Mello was about to ask Matt how he could know what it felt like but stopped himself. After all the red-head had been extremely depressed when they'd first met and he hadn't called anyone to tell them where he was as far as Mello knew._

"_Matt why haven't you been reported missing yet?" The red-head wrinkled his nose._

"_Because I wasn't kidnapped?"_

"_But nobody knows where you are right? Shouldn't someone be looking for you?" To Mello's alarm tears began rolling out of Matt's eyes. The blond sat up and swiped most of them away. "What's wrong?" Matt opened his mouth to reply that he couldn't say without making the sobbing worse and possibly throwing up in the process but Mello quickly placed his hand over the red-head's mouth. "No, wait. You don't have to talk about it. I shouldn't have brought it up." Matt leaned into Mello and laid comfortably in the blond's arms. Eventually the tears stopped and he drifted to sleep._

Matt groaned at the memory of how he'd acted last night. It was tremendously embarrassing and would most likely be used for blackmail at some point in his life because Mello was a complete fucking sweetheart. His eyes landed on his _sparkly pink_ fingernails and felt his headache get ten times worse. For god's sake why would Mello let him do that? The blond could have taken him straight home and not given into his obviously ridiculous requests (although the cigarettes and aspirin were greatly appreciated).But seriously? A stuffed unicorn. What the hell was Mello thinking buying him that? Sure Matt had asked for it but he was positive that Mello must have noticed how drunk and/or high he was at the time. Actually, and better yet, Mello could have stopped buying him alcohol when he started to get tipsy. Matt began massaging his temples but that only made the ach worse.

Yesterday Mello had been so nice and affectionate. Matt was just realizing how terrifying that was. Sure it had been great at the time but now it was creepy. Because Mello. Gave. In. And stopped waiting for Matt to spill his guts first. Seriously, since when does _Mello_, of all the billions of people in the world-no _universe_, give in? It was the fucking apocalypse! Yesterday, at the college, Matt had heard Misa saying something about Mello and the apocalypse but now it made perfect since and, in his opinion, she was definitely right. Matt sat up a little too quickly and brought a hand to his head, blinking his eyes back into focus.

"Mels-" Matt began but stopped when he didn't see the blond lying in bed next to him. "Mello?" Matt called, throwing on a shirt and a pair of jeans and walking out of the room. He searched the entire apartment and ended up Mello-less in the kitchen. He leaned back on the counter and glared at the stuffed unicorn that was sitting on the table, being strangled by the balloon's string. During his search Matt had seen the puppy sleeping on the slightly chewed up couch and one of the cats was nowhere to be found. The other had padded into the kitchen after him and jumped on to the counter. It was the chocolate brown one that Mello had picked out and obviously had to name Coco. (Thank goodness it was a girl otherwise Matt would've felt bad for kitten.) The blond cat with white paws that he had picked out, also a girl because Mello said he wasn't going to risk his Coco getting raped, had been given the name Peach (as in the princess from the Mario video games).

Coco rubbed against Matt's arm and let out a soft _mew_. Matt reached down to pet her, scratching her between the ears and in effect drawing out a loud purr. He focused on the cat, tuning out his thoughts because they were all telling him things he didn't want to hear. Every single not-so-little voice was yelling that something was wrong. Because Mello never left without waking him up first. That the blond maybe, probably, definitely lied. That he left while Matt was asleep without bothering to say goodbye even thought they both knew that in his line of work he might not be coming back. Unless... he didn't want to come back? Matt shuddered and shook his head, banishing the unwanted thoughts.

"Good morning Coco," he said. "Are you hungry?"

**Alice: Alright, just in case you don't remember, in the last chapter when Mello got a text it was his work. That's why he got all pessimistic and was talking about having to leave. Moving on, review please! P.S. Who else was like: "Yay! The italics are finally done!" when the flashback ended? XD**


	10. Chapter 10

*****IMPORTANT!***: I know it's inconvenient and I'm sorry but by the end-ish of November (so most people get a chance to see this) I'll be changing my name to Alice D. Lovett.**

**Alice: Mmm. This chapter's kinda angst-y. Poor Matt has abandonment issues and doesn't…deal with them well. ^.^ (p.s. I kinda doubt my Misa was ever really in character and I'm sorry but I like her better this way so…)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_** or the names of the Mario characters.**

After ten days it was pretty much impossible for Matt, try as he might, to convince himself that Mello hadn't lied to him. It may have been over nothing significant (when he was leaving wasn't that big of a deal albeit it was disappointing) but giving into the fact that he _had_ period made the ache in Matt's chest noticeably worse. For all he knew he'd never see Mello again and he hadn't known to say goodbye. The bastard hadn't even allowed him that. He just left like the total fucking asshole most people believed he was. Matt's slowly freezing heart grew a bit colder, spreading its icy chill farther throughout his body and making him more unwilling to move than he already was.

For the past few days Matt had been laying in bed, only getting up when absolutely necessary. For example to use the bathroom, take out the dog, occasionally clean the animal's messes and accidents, and feed them or himself when he swore he felt his stomach eating itself. Otherwise he was lost in his mind unsuccessfully attempting to hide from thoughts that were slowly driving him insane. It was like he'd been going on autopilot but admitting Mello lied for one reason or another (some of which sliced open old and still painful wounds) brought him closer to consciousness than he'd been since the morning the blond left.

Everyday had flown by with the same questions and today wasn't much different. It started with the usual: _He said we had a couple of _weeks_ right? It's hazy and I was drunk as fuck but I know he said weeks not _hours_. Maybe he meant hours but..._ This was where things strayed from the norm.

_Delusional. I'm acting delusional aren't I?_ Matt thought. Peach jumped onto the bed and walked onto Matt, kneading his chest and cutting into his flesh with her claws to make herself comfortable. The red-head allowed it without the slightest protest and the kitten settled down, closing her eyes and dozing off.

"He lied Peach? Do you think so too?" Matt asked the sleeping cat. Coco, who was laying on Mello's pillow right next to Matt's head, blinked her large golden eyes at him and cocked her head to the side. "I bet you think I'm psychotic. 'How come he's talking to a sleeping cat?' That's what you're thinking isn't it." Coco mewled and placed a paw on Matt's forehead. The red-head laughed, startling the cat into sinking her claws into his flesh. "Ouch! Sorry, I don't think I have a fever!" He shoved her away and jumped when his cell phone began to ring. He could hear Bowser, the dog (at first he didn't know what to name him but since he seemed to like dragging Peach around the apartment it was fitting) barking in one of the other rooms. When Matt sat up to answer the phone Peach hissed at him and hopped onto the floor. He pressed talk and brought his cell to his ear. "Hello?"

"Matt I've called you like a gazillion times this week!" Misa exclaimed. "Where've you been!? I was starting to think you were ignoring me." Misa was hyper and loud; a nice distraction for Matt from... everything really.

"Sorry. I've been out of it lately," Matt said. He cringed. Even to himself he sounded dead and Misa wasn't as dense as she let people think. There was no way she wouldn't notice.

"...Are you alright?" Misa had been painting her toenails but Matt's tone had her setting the black polish aside and giving him her full attention. He sounded... wrong. Not like his usual self. (She may have only seen him three times but that was enough to know what his usual tone of voice was.)

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Because you don't _sound_ fine. Now don't lie to me. What's wrong?" Matt heaved a sigh. He might as well just tell her.

"Mello left. A few days ago. He said it was for work but… he also said there were a couple weeks until he had to go."

"That…" Misa ground her teeth, clenching a fist. "That _asshole_!" Matt took the phone away from his ear, wincing. If there was one thing Misa and Mello had in common it was definitely how loud they could be when they wanted.

"No, it's fine I completely understand why he-"

"Matt, I said don't lie to me." Matt stared at the phone, his mouth hanging open. Was Misa… _mothering_ him? That sure as hell was what it sounded like. "And if you actually believe that you shouldn't lie to yourself either. I bet you think he didn't leave for work right? Because if he lied about when he could just as easily not tell you the truth about why. Ooooh! You poor thing! I'm coming over!"

"Misa that isn't necessary. I swear."

"I _said_ I'm _coming over_!" Her tone actually managed to make Matt cringe.

"Uh, fine. If you really want to that badly I won't stop you."

"Great! I'll be there in a few minutes!"

"Feel free to let yourself in. The door should be unlocked."

XXXXXX

"Matt! I'm here!" Misa called as she walked into the apartment. "I can't believe you're door was actually unlocked. Do you want to get robbed?" She stepped into the living room and wrinkled her nose. "Gross. It smells- Aww! A puppy!" Misa picked up the tiny dog, holding it slightly away from her body so he couldn't bite her and petted him until he decided that he liked her. "Where' Matt? Huh? Where is he?" The puppy wiggled out of her arms and she followed it into the bedroom.

Matt quickly sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to look less crappy than he felt. Misa was worried enough about him as it was. She didn't need to know exactly how bad his condition was.

"Hey Misa," Matt said. She gasped and hurried over to him, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead.

"For god's sake you look sick. And what are those scratches from?" Misa asked as she examined his face. Matt brushed her hand away.

"A cat. She already checked. I don't have a fever." Misa stared at him, hoping he was joking. After a few second of silence that hope disappeared and she slowly shook her head.

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Yeah. Coco checked my forehead and everything a few minutes ago. I'm fine."

"Uh, Matt, I don't think cats can tell if people are sick," Misa said hesitantly. She didn't want him to think she was calling him crazy but… that was kind of how he was acting. "Besides you feel pretty warm to me." She looked him over and sighed. It had obviously been a while since he had last bathed. "Why don't you take a cold bath? It'll lower your temperature and everybody feels better once they're clean!" Speaking of which… she glanced around the bedroom grimacing inwardly. Apparently neither Matt nor Mello understood that word and getting pets only made it worse. "Come on. Get up." She pulled Matt out of bed and dragged him into the bathroom, grabbing some cloths along the way.

"What if I don't want to? I'm an adult. You can't force me." Misa turned the water on cool and let it fill up the tub.

"I don't care and yes I can. We're going to make you feel all better so you stop talking about cats! Okay?" She left the bathroom fairly certain that Matt would do as she asked, surveyed the disaster of an apartment, and clapped her hands together. "Alright. Where do I start?"

Matt didn't take long in the bath since the damn thing was freezing cold and only got worse as the minutes ticked by but he had to admit that he did feel better. Not completely but enough to that he was willing to face the day. He quickly combed through his hair, got dressed, and happened to glance at his reflection in the mirror above the sink.

_God, I do look terrible_, Matt thought as he pulled his shirt over his head. His goggles were sitting on the sink so he had a clear view of his eyes and they were definitely dimmer than they had been the last time he had seen them. It was probably a result of spending the past ten days locked up in a dark room. He also had shadows and bags under his eyes due to lack of sleep because, despite hardly leaving the bed, staying awake was better than facing his nightmares. The scratch on his forehead stuck out vividly (and somehow was still bleeding a little) on his, paler than usual if that was possible, skin. Then there his nails which stood out even more than the scratches. He shook his head, wondering what the hell he'd been thinking when he when he decided to get them painted _that_ god awful shade of pink and walked out of the bathroom, colliding into Misa.

"Whoops!" Misa exclaimed. All of the trash she'd picked up fell back to the ground and she sighed in slight irritation. Pushing that aside she turned to face Matt. "Was I right? Do you feel- Oh." She couldn't help but stare. "Woooow." She grabbed Matt's chin between her thumb and forefinger, turning his head this way and that. Matt rolled his eyes.

"I know. I look like shit. Can we move on now?" the red-head asked, taking a few steps away from her.

"That's not what I was thinking. Not at all." Misa pouted and poked him right between the eyes.

"The hell?" He slapped her hand away, giving her a _what-the-fuck-was-that-for_ look.

"It's not fair! Your eyes are super pretty but you're always hiding them! Do you know what I'd give those?"

"What!?" Matt reached up to touch his goggles and sure enough they weren't there. "Shit!" He ducked back into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

"Hey!" Misa started banging on it. "I said they're pretty! It was a compliment!" He stared at his eyes in the mirror, wondering if she saw anything he didn't want her to. The truth was he hated them. Used correctly he could get most anything he wanted but when caught off guard every single emotion he was feeling were reflected in the damn things. Going around without his goggles was the equivalent of saying "fuck privacy". And he happened to like his privacy. A lot.

"Misa you didn't see anything did you?"

"See anything? Well, I most absolutely noticed what a gorgeous shade green your eyes are if that's what you mean. I don't understand why you'd ever want to hide them." Matt realized a relieve breath and opened the door. "Aw. You're wearing those goggles again."

"Yeah and this time they aren't coming off." Misa stuck her tongue out at him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Moving on, what do you think of going out?"

"I-"

"Correction. You're going out. 'Cause I'm bored and you've been acting sort of insane. Fresh air should be good for you."

"I don't get a choice than."

"That's what I said." Misa walked them to the door. "Make sure you lock it and so you're not alone with just me we can invite Near. Last time you two seemed to hit it off." She smiled at Matt and lead him down the hallway.

"…Yeah, sure…sounds great." Maybe she was right and he needed to get out for a little while. After all staying in a bedroom all day couldn't be good healthy. "I have to be back in time to feed the cats and dog though." Misa squealed in excitement (she'd actually succeeded in making Matt feel better!) and took out her cell phone. While she was at it she might as well call Light too. After all he was probably wondering where she was.

**Alice: Right. Suuuure he is. Anyway I'm SOOOO sorry this took such a long time to get up! I wouldn't blame you if you completely forgot this story existed. T.T And so you know the by the time the next chapter's up I should definetly be under my new name. Review please!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Alice: I hope I wasn't hard to find due to my new name. So I read over what I'd had written out for this chapter, thought the writing was crap, looked over that old chapters and thought those were pretty bad too (but sadly I'm too lazy to go back and edit them), and decided I was going to try harder. Hopefully it shows with this chapter because I basically rewrote the whole thing while typing it up. Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**Death Note**_**.**

Somehow they ended up at the mall despite Misa being the only one who wanted to go. For the most part she was window shopping but occasionally she would drag Light into a store, leaving Matt and Near alone for a good twenty minutes each time. It wasn't as awkward as Matt had originally thought it would be considering how they used to date and he, surprisingly enough, was actually enjoying himself. It was a good thing too as he didn't want to see more of Misa's mothering side today. Or, better yet, ever again.

After the fourth time they had been left alone Near turned to Matt to start up a conversation. "Where's Mello? After everything that happened the day I met him I wouldn't have thought he'd leave your side." Matt took a deep breath, attempting to expel a bit of his loneliness with it. He was beginning to get over having been left suddenly and with false pretenses of the 'when' let alone having no idea of the 'to where'. And for that matter there was the big _IF_ in the question of when Mello would return. His work was dangerous and- Oh for god's sake. Matt didn't want to think about this shit right now. That was the whole point of this stupid fucking outing and here he was depressing himself again.

"It's none of your damn business," Matt grumbled. To think he'd been in a fairly good mood until Near had had to go and open his fucking mouth. The albino for his part appeared to not care about Matt's sudden change of mood. He studied the red-head, analyzing him while twirling a lock of hair around his finger, a habit he'd kept from his childhood.

"Is he alright? You seem unnerved." Matt shoved his hands into his jeans' pockets, his fingers gliding over his lighter and cigarette pack while he eyed a nearby security guard and NO SMOKING sign. Deciding it wasn't worth getting thrown out of the mall he ignored his addiction and instead trudged over to the nearest empty bench. Near trailed close behind, practically staring hard enough to bore holes into the back of Matt's head. Matt groaned internally, knowing that the question hadn't been dropped as much as he wised it had been. He flopped onto the bench and slouched down as far as he could without sliding off. Near on the other hand sat carefully beside him, drawing one knee up to his chest and resting his chin on it; all the while he kept his gaze on the gamer.

"I'm not unnerved and as far as I know Mello's fine. He's away on a job. Are you fucking happy now?" Matt practically spat the words unable to stand being stared at any longer and briefly wondered if Mello's hostility was rubbing off on him.

"I was only concerned you know." Near tilted his head. He released an almost disappointed sounding sigh. "…Are you lying to me?" Matt's head shot up, his eyes narrowing into a glare on the albino.

"No you jackass. What possible reason would I have to lie?" Near shrugged and sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. "Don't give me that dismissive shit. What made you think I'm lying?" Near's fingers continued to twine in his hair as he studied the red-head more closely. He was rarely wrong so…

"There's no need for name calling Matt. It's not my fault you don't believe your boyfriend." Matt bristled and if possible his glare turned ten times more menacing. If looks could inflict death Near's would have been drawn out and agonizing. The little fucker knew all the wrong buttons to push and what's worse he didn't seem aware of it. Either that or he was a damn expert at ignoring the atmosphere. Too bad _that_ hadn't changed in the years they'd been apart.

"He's not my boyfriend," it would be fucking Armageddon before Matt figured out what exactly to call their relationship, "and why the hell wouldn't I believe him? His reason's legit." Despite his job being the complete opposite. No, the irony was _not_ lost on Matt. Near hmmed obviously unconvinced and causing the red-head's mood to shrivel up just a bit more. He was almost relieved when Misa came out of whatever store she'd dragged Light into. The brunette who had already been heavily weighed down by shopping bags when they'd entered the most recent clothing store sported four, practically overflowing new ones. It was a wonder the guy had the upper body strength to hold them up. (Not to say Matt could do any better. Hello. _Gamer_. That didn't exactly scream body builder nor would it ever in his case.) As it was Light's arms seemed about ready to give out, a sight Matt would really enjoy seeing at the moment.

As soon as Misa exited the store and spotted Matt she could tell that his semi-good mood had deteriorated while she was gone. She glanced between him and Near and she hurried over. It was fairly obvious that Matt was glaring at the albino despite the goggles hiding his eyes from view and Misa wondered what had happened. After all they'd gotten along rather well the other day. Thinking back to then reminded her of Mello and his current 'missing in action' status. …She supposed Matt _did_ have a motive to be pissed off. After all now that the depression was wearing off it had to be replaced with something right? Pushing her concern aside she decided she was, or at least close to being, right.

"Matt do you want to come into the next store with me? I think Light could use a break," Misa said. Maybe if she gave Matt space from Near he'd calm down. Matt groaned but shrugged, at the moment he'd do anything to get away from the albino. She smiled and, leaving the other two at the bench, dragged him into the first store that grabbed her attention.

Matt hated shopping. Period. Especially when it was with girls like Misa (and, as he'd quickly leaned, with Mello. The blond bought different things but he had the same problems). He had tried it a few times and severely wished he'd thought to bring some sort of gaming system with him. Basically it was slow going. She'd gush over the first thing she found remotely cute, throw everything she might want at him to hold, and try it all on only to decide that a total of four out of the tons of items of clothing looked great enough on her to go out in public in. Then the process would start over until she had managed to fill at least another three shopping bags. Oh, well. It wasn't as bad as being out there with _Near_ now that he was in the mood to talk.

While Misa browsed through the clothing she kept shooting glances at Matt. He seemed much less irritated since he had left Near's presence and curiosity was getting the better of her. "Did Near say something to upset you?" she asked. "'Cause I swear it wouldn't be the first time he said something mean to somebody. It's like he doesn't have that 'right and wrong' filter that most people have when it comes to what he should and shouldn't say. He just spits out whatever pops into his mind, ya know?" Matt rolled his eyes. Yes, yes he did know. He'd grown up around the other boy's insensitivity and didn't want to get into this with Misa.

"I don't really give a damn what he says to me," Matt said, hoping to bring an end to the conversation. Unfortunately she wasn't that easily discouraged. Misa shook her head and threw a pair of jeans along with a few shirts in his direction.

"Now, Matt, that might usually be true but whatever he said this time got to you. Come on. You can tell me." She shot him a look and he promptly flipped her off. Misa stuck her tongue out at him and resumed her browsing. If he wouldn't talk willingly then she'd have to force him. With an overly exaggerated sigh she shook her head, as if remorseful. "If that's how you're going to be I might have to move into the apartment. I mean if you're going to be upset while emotionally unstable who knows what stupid things you might do while I'm not watching you. Or, better yet, maybe I should send _Near_ to check on you. I'd give him the spare key I made and everything!" There was absolutely nothing about that sentence that Matt liked the least of which being that she'd illegally made a key and could have come into the house whenever she wanted. Given that Mello wasn't around at the moment he had a feeling that that was exactly what she'd do and he didn't need Near dropping by on surprise visits too.

"If you want to know that damn badly! He insinuated that Mello didn't leave for work. I don't fucking know why and I honestly don't fucking care. If he wants to be an asshole he can." Misa raised her eyebrows at that. If she didn't know better she'd say that Near was jealous but that didn't make since. As far as she knew their first meeting had been when she'd introduced her friends to Matt and Mello. Unless it was love at first sight? Misa thought of the day she spotted Light and had _known_ that he was for her even if he hadn't realized it quite yet. It'd taken a lot of convincing to get him to ask her out but it had been worth it in the end. No matter what he brother thought she was… was happy. Really. She was. Putting her smile on full force she turned back to face Matt and clapped her hands together.

"I'm gonna go try all this on!" She took him by the arm and dragged him in the direction of the dressing rooms, taking the cloths from his arms and leaving him to change. In a dressing room stall Misa sat on the small bench taking deep breaths and releasing them slowly; composing herself. Matt was smart, if she noticed her doubts he would. And if he did he'd try to convince her to leave Light despite that fact that she was happy. She was happy, she was happy, she was _happyhappyhappy_. Her reflection stared back at her its eyes mocking and she suddenly understood why Matt wore those horrid goggles. Who could stand to let their orbs be seen if they gave away so much? And who could look at their reflection when their very own taunting eyes would be there, staring back? She closed them and continued her mantra of _I-am-happy_ while she slowly undressed, hoping when she opened them again what she'd see would be more to her liking.

By the time Misa left the dressing room Matt had been ready to check and see if she was alright. For all he knew she'd gotten stuck or some other bad thing. …Geez how the hell could something bad happen to you in a dressing room? Deciding this question wasn't worth wasting brain cells on given that she was clearly alright he held his arms out to receive the pile of cloths.

"I'm ready to check out," Misa said, skipping slightly on her way to the check out counter. Shrugging off the feeling that something was wrong he followed her. She paid and they left the store much sooner than Matt would have expected. As soon as they reached the other two Misa attached herself to Light, wrapping her arms around his waist. He barely tolerated the touch but she seemed satisfied so Matt kept his comments to himself. "Come on Light! I want to go in there next!" She pointed in the direction of a cluster of small stores and Matt had a bad feeling that she meant _every one_ of them. They were going to be here all damn day at this rate!

Fuck! Matt had collapsed onto the bench that the four of them had basically claimed as their own and without realizing it had been left behind with Near! Did something about him say he was ready to be around the ass without punching him (Dear god Mello _was_ rubbing off on him!) yet? Because if so that had to be fixed. He would have went after those two but they had disappeared in a mass of people he didn't feel like pushing through and Near was now staring at him. Matt rubbed his temples, rested his head on the back of the bench, and stared up at the ceiling right into one of the lights. In fact wherever he looked there was a light and he finally had to turn away when his eyes began to ach in spite of the cover his goggles provided. Colorful spots danced across his vision and he squeezed his eyelids shut hoping to force them away. Unfortunately when he reopened them not only were the spots still there but Near was much closer than he had been a few seconds ago.

Near reached out and stroked one of Matt's cheeks. The red-head stiffened at his touch and abruptly scooted as far away from the albino as he could get, until he was practically falling off of the bench. Near slid after him his expression one of boredom. As if they were playing a game didn't care for. Near was no longer sitting, instead on his knees and leaning over the very uncomfortable Matt. Who, for the record, would have purposefully fallen off of the bench then and there to get away form Near if it weren't for the large plant at his side, keeping him in place.

"I always liked your eyes," Near said his tone apathetic but sincere. He fingered the goggles and brushed Matt's hair behind his ear. The red-head's heart was beating at twice its normal rate and he was overheating (plus they were drawing a lot of attention to themselves).Forcing himself to remain as calm as possible Matt raised his eyebrows. (Was he crazy or was Near fucking _flirting with him_?)

"Sure you do. Everybody who's seen them does," Matt replied, cringing away from Near's gaze. He didn't like this. Not one bit. Near leaned back and seeing his chance Matt slid off of the bench, not caring how insane he must look rolling away from it before standing and striding in the direction of the bathrooms. The door swung shut behind him and, figuring nobody would mind, he pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. The door squeaked open and he turned, releasing an aggravated sigh when he saw that it was Near apparently following him. "Most people would take someone trying their damnedest to escape from them as a pretty clear 'fuck off'."

"I just wanted to give you something," Near said, walking over and digging into one of Matt's pockets.

"The hell?" Matt knew what it meant to be given something and this seemed like the opposite. Near took a few steps back, Matt's phone in hand and typed his number into the contacts. When he was finished he promptly handed it back.

"Feel free to call if you need anything." He exited the bathroom and Matt stared down at his phone. He lit his cigarette and took a deep drag. Right. As if he'd _ever_ call Near after today.

**Alice: Crappy-ish ending but I really hope my writing's been getting better with time and the story makes at least some since. And Near's definitely OOC. I know. P.S. Misa's little episode thing will be explained next chapter. Anyway (as I always end this) review please!**


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